An Intricate Dance

Two steps backward; a mile forward...

It turned out that the "work opportunity" I pursued was a scam setup by an adept entrepreneur who saw an opportunity for himself among the homeless community. Our days would begin at 3am at which time we would pile into a van headed for more financially secure neighborhoods. We would then be dropped off at various retail locations where we were instructed to beg until 6pm when the van would come again to take us to our group home. The nut was $280 a week in exchange for the barest of shelter and a single meal. Anything after that...and we were obliged to a hardly generous 30% cut. On arrival I met men who had been working with this organization upward of eight years. This fact alone told me one of either two possibilities was truth: "Building a Solid Foundation" was a well organized non-profit which treated its guests fairly, or it kept them ever so lacking in hope that they feared leaving to pursue the unknown. After only my first day, I was able to discern that the latter was the case. Instead of the advertised homeless recovery program it was actually a system designed to promote perpetual homelessness. In fact, I was so troubled by my lot that upon arriving for my second day of work, I immediately started vomiting uncontrollably after my first donation. My pride was in peril, and I couldn't suffer my part in this deception. I made a phone call, waited the 15 hours for my 40 minute drive back to San Diego, packed my bag, and dove into the arms of my rescuer. Thank you Kricket...<3

It was my good fortune over the first days in San Diego that set me up for this situation. My cynicism had in turn been dulled cultivating a carelessness in a world that would not permit such a weakness. Evolution's a bitch...

I've spent the last 3 nights with my best friend, and it's done me a world of good. I've been able to meditate on my situation in peace and comfort, and I intend to return to the streets today with a proper balance of mind. I had a very successful interview today with the owner of a new, upscale restaurant opening soon in North Park (a neighborhood close to downtown), and I've made some new connections which may lead to work soon if that falls through.

This is not a complete update on my situation as I have so much more to share concerning some thoughts I've dwelt on these few days, but it will have to suffice for the moment. Until then...

Kricket - I love you. You're my rock...

Joe - For the first time in my life, I find "family" to be an asset rather than a liability. Thank you for everything...

Grace - The place in my heart that is yours is where I go when I need to smile. As of late, I find myself there very often.